Act III, Scene II

A hall in the Castle.

Enter Hamlet and certain Players.

HAMLET
Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on
the tongue. But if you mouth it, as many of your players do, I had as
lief the town-crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the air too much
with your hand, thus, but use all gently; for in the very torrent,
tempest, and, as I may say, whirlwind of passion, you must acquire and
beget a temperance that may give it smoothness. O, it offends me to the
soul to hear a robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to
tatters, to very rags, to split the ears of the groundlings, who, for
the most part, are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb shows and
noise. I would have such a fellow whipped for o’erdoing Termagant. It
out-Herods Herod. Pray you avoid it.

FIRST PLAYER
I warrant your honour.

HAMLET
Be not too tame neither; but let your own discretion be your tutor.
Suit the action to the word, the word to the action, with this special
observance, that you o’erstep not the modesty of nature; for anything
so overdone is from the purpose of playing, whose end, both at the
first and now, was and is, to hold as ’twere the mirror up to nature;
to show virtue her own feature, scorn her own image, and the very age
and body of the time his form and pressure. Now, this overdone, or come
tardy off, though it make the unskilful laugh, cannot but make the
judicious grieve; the censure of the which one must in your allowance
o’erweigh a whole theatre of others. O, there be players that I have
seen play—and heard others praise, and that highly—not to speak it
profanely, that, neither having the accent of Christians, nor the gait
of Christian, pagan, nor man, have so strutted and bellowed that I have
thought some of Nature’s journeymen had made men, and not made them
well, they imitated humanity so abominably.

FIRST PLAYER
I hope we have reform’d that indifferently with us, sir.

HAMLET
O reform it altogether. And let those that play your clowns speak no
more than is set down for them. For there be of them that will
themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh
too, though in the meantime some necessary question of the play be then
to be considered. That’s villainous, and shows a most pitiful ambition
in the fool that uses it. Go make you ready.

[_Exeunt Players._]

Enter Polonius, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

How now, my lord? Will the King hear this piece of work?

POLONIUS
And the Queen too, and that presently.

HAMLET
Bid the players make haste.

[_Exit Polonius._]

Will you two help to hasten them?

ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN
We will, my lord.

[_Exeunt Rosencrantz and Guildenstern._]

HAMLET
What ho, Horatio!

Enter Horatio.

HORATIO
Here, sweet lord, at your service.

HAMLET
Horatio, thou art e’en as just a man
As e’er my conversation cop’d withal.

HORATIO
O my dear lord.

HAMLET
Nay, do not think I flatter;
For what advancement may I hope from thee,
That no revenue hast, but thy good spirits
To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flatter’d?
No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp,
And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee
Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost thou hear?
Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice,
And could of men distinguish, her election
Hath seal’d thee for herself. For thou hast been
As one, in suffering all, that suffers nothing,
A man that Fortune’s buffets and rewards
Hast ta’en with equal thanks. And blessed are those
Whose blood and judgement are so well co-mingled
That they are not a pipe for Fortune’s finger
To sound what stop she please. Give me that man
That is not passion’s slave, and I will wear him
In my heart’s core, ay, in my heart of heart,
As I do thee. Something too much of this.
There is a play tonight before the King.
One scene of it comes near the circumstance
Which I have told thee, of my father’s death.
I prithee, when thou see’st that act a-foot,
Even with the very comment of thy soul
Observe mine uncle. If his occulted guilt
Do not itself unkennel in one speech,
It is a damned ghost that we have seen;
And my imaginations are as foul
As Vulcan’s stithy. Give him heedful note;
For I mine eyes will rivet to his face;
And after we will both our judgements join
In censure of his seeming.

HORATIO
Well, my lord.
If he steal aught the whilst this play is playing,
And ’scape detecting, I will pay the theft.

HAMLET
They are coming to the play. I must be idle.
Get you a place.
Danish march. A flourish. Enter King, Queen, Polonius, Ophelia,
Rosencrantz, Guildenstern and others.

KING
How fares our cousin Hamlet?

HAMLET
Excellent, i’ faith; of the chameleon’s dish: I eat the air,
promise-crammed: you cannot feed capons so.

KING
I have nothing with this answer, Hamlet; these words are not mine.

HAMLET
No, nor mine now. [_To Polonius._] My lord, you play’d once i’
th’university, you say?

POLONIUS
That did I, my lord, and was accounted a good actor.

HAMLET
What did you enact?

POLONIUS
I did enact Julius Caesar. I was kill’d i’ th’ Capitol. Brutus killed
me.

HAMLET
It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a calf there. Be the
players ready?

ROSENCRANTZ
Ay, my lord; they stay upon your patience.

QUEEN
Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.

HAMLET
No, good mother, here’s metal more attractive.

POLONIUS
[_To the King._] O ho! do you mark that?

HAMLET
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

[_Lying down at Ophelia’s feet._]

OPHELIA
No, my lord.

HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap?

OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.

HAMLET
Do you think I meant country matters?

OPHELIA
I think nothing, my lord.

HAMLET
That’s a fair thought to lie between maids’ legs.

OPHELIA
What is, my lord?

HAMLET
Nothing.

OPHELIA
You are merry, my lord.

HAMLET
Who, I?

OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.

HAMLET
O God, your only jig-maker! What should a man do but be merry? For look
you how cheerfully my mother looks, and my father died within’s two
hours.

OPHELIA
Nay, ’tis twice two months, my lord.

HAMLET
So long? Nay then, let the devil wear black, for I’ll have a suit of
sables. O heavens! die two months ago, and not forgotten yet? Then
there’s hope a great man’s memory may outlive his life half a year. But
by’r lady, he must build churches then; or else shall he suffer not
thinking on, with the hobby-horse, whose epitaph is ‘For, O, for O, the
hobby-horse is forgot!’
Trumpets sound. The dumb show enters.
_Enter a King and a Queen very lovingly; the Queen embracing him and he
her. She kneels, and makes show of protestation unto him. He takes her
up, and declines his head upon her neck. Lays him down upon a bank of
flowers. She, seeing him asleep, leaves him. Anon comes in a fellow,
takes off his crown, kisses it, pours poison in the King’s ears, and
exits. The Queen returns, finds the King dead, and makes passionate
action. The Poisoner with some three or four Mutes, comes in again,
seeming to lament with her. The dead body is carried away. The Poisoner
woos the Queen with gifts. She seems loth and unwilling awhile, but in
the end accepts his love._

[_Exeunt._]

OPHELIA
What means this, my lord?

HAMLET
Marry, this is miching mallecho; it means mischief.

OPHELIA
Belike this show imports the argument of the play.

Enter Prologue.

HAMLET
We shall know by this fellow: the players cannot keep counsel; they’ll
tell all.

OPHELIA
Will they tell us what this show meant?

HAMLET
Ay, or any show that you’ll show him. Be not you ashamed to show, he’ll
not shame to tell you what it means.

OPHELIA
You are naught, you are naught: I’ll mark the play.

PROLOGUE
_For us, and for our tragedy,
Here stooping to your clemency,
We beg your hearing patiently._

HAMLET
Is this a prologue, or the posy of a ring?

OPHELIA
’Tis brief, my lord.

HAMLET
As woman’s love.

Enter a King and a Queen.

PLAYER KING
Full thirty times hath Phoebus’ cart gone round
Neptune’s salt wash and Tellus’ orbed ground,
And thirty dozen moons with borrow’d sheen
About the world have times twelve thirties been,
Since love our hearts, and Hymen did our hands
Unite commutual in most sacred bands.

PLAYER QUEEN
So many journeys may the sun and moon
Make us again count o’er ere love be done.
But, woe is me, you are so sick of late,
So far from cheer and from your former state,
That I distrust you. Yet, though I distrust,
Discomfort you, my lord, it nothing must:
For women’s fear and love holds quantity,
In neither aught, or in extremity.
Now what my love is, proof hath made you know,
And as my love is siz’d, my fear is so.
Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear;
Where little fears grow great, great love grows there.

PLAYER KING
Faith, I must leave thee, love, and shortly too:
My operant powers their functions leave to do:
And thou shalt live in this fair world behind,
Honour’d, belov’d, and haply one as kind
For husband shalt thou—

PLAYER QUEEN
O confound the rest.
Such love must needs be treason in my breast.
In second husband let me be accurst!
None wed the second but who kill’d the first.

HAMLET
[_Aside._] Wormwood, wormwood.

PLAYER QUEEN
The instances that second marriage move
Are base respects of thrift, but none of love.
A second time I kill my husband dead,
When second husband kisses me in bed.

PLAYER KING
I do believe you think what now you speak;
But what we do determine, oft we break.
Purpose is but the slave to memory,
Of violent birth, but poor validity:
Which now, like fruit unripe, sticks on the tree,
But fall unshaken when they mellow be.
Most necessary ’tis that we forget
To pay ourselves what to ourselves is debt.
What to ourselves in passion we propose,
The passion ending, doth the purpose lose.
The violence of either grief or joy
Their own enactures with themselves destroy.
Where joy most revels, grief doth most lament;
Grief joys, joy grieves, on slender accident.
This world is not for aye; nor ’tis not strange
That even our loves should with our fortunes change,
For ’tis a question left us yet to prove,
Whether love lead fortune, or else fortune love.
The great man down, you mark his favourite flies,
The poor advanc’d makes friends of enemies;
And hitherto doth love on fortune tend:
For who not needs shall never lack a friend,
And who in want a hollow friend doth try,
Directly seasons him his enemy.
But orderly to end where I begun,
Our wills and fates do so contrary run
That our devices still are overthrown.
Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own.
So think thou wilt no second husband wed,
But die thy thoughts when thy first lord is dead.

PLAYER QUEEN
Nor earth to me give food, nor heaven light,
Sport and repose lock from me day and night,
To desperation turn my trust and hope,
An anchor’s cheer in prison be my scope,
Each opposite that blanks the face of joy,
Meet what I would have well, and it destroy!
Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife,
If, once a widow, ever I be wife.

HAMLET
[_To Ophelia._] If she should break it now.

PLAYER KING
’Tis deeply sworn. Sweet, leave me here awhile.
My spirits grow dull, and fain I would beguile
The tedious day with sleep.
[_Sleeps._]

PLAYER QUEEN
Sleep rock thy brain,
And never come mischance between us twain.

[_Exit._]

HAMLET
Madam, how like you this play?

QUEEN
The lady protests too much, methinks.

HAMLET
O, but she’ll keep her word.

KING
Have you heard the argument? Is there no offence in’t?

HAMLET
No, no, they do but jest, poison in jest; no offence i’ th’ world.

KING
What do you call the play?

HAMLET
_The Mousetrap._ Marry, how? Tropically. This play is the image of a
murder done in Vienna. Gonzago is the Duke’s name, his wife Baptista:
you shall see anon; ’tis a knavish piece of work: but what o’ that?
Your majesty, and we that have free souls, it touches us not. Let the
gall’d jade wince; our withers are unwrung.

Enter Lucianus.

This is one Lucianus, nephew to the King.

OPHELIA
You are a good chorus, my lord.

HAMLET
I could interpret between you and your love, if I could see the puppets
dallying.

OPHELIA
You are keen, my lord, you are keen.

HAMLET
It would cost you a groaning to take off my edge.

OPHELIA
Still better, and worse.

HAMLET
So you mistake your husbands.—Begin, murderer. Pox, leave thy damnable
faces, and begin. Come, the croaking raven doth bellow for revenge.

LUCIANUS
Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing,
Confederate season, else no creature seeing;
Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected,
With Hecate’s ban thrice blasted, thrice infected,
Thy natural magic and dire property
On wholesome life usurp immediately.

[_Pours the poison into the sleeper’s ears._]

HAMLET
He poisons him i’ th’garden for’s estate. His name’s Gonzago. The story
is extant, and written in very choice Italian. You shall see anon how
the murderer gets the love of Gonzago’s wife.

OPHELIA
The King rises.

HAMLET
What, frighted with false fire?

QUEEN
How fares my lord?

POLONIUS
Give o’er the play.

KING
Give me some light. Away.
All.
Lights, lights, lights.

[_Exeunt all but Hamlet and Horatio._]

HAMLET
Why, let the strucken deer go weep,
The hart ungalled play;
For some must watch, while some must sleep,
So runs the world away.
Would not this, sir, and a forest of feathers, if the rest of my
fortunes turn Turk with me; with two Provincial roses on my razed
shoes, get me a fellowship in a cry of players, sir?

HORATIO
Half a share.

HAMLET
A whole one, I.
For thou dost know, O Damon dear,
This realm dismantled was
Of Jove himself, and now reigns here
A very, very—pajock.

HORATIO
You might have rhymed.

HAMLET
O good Horatio, I’ll take the ghost’s word for a thousand pound. Didst
perceive?

HORATIO
Very well, my lord.

HAMLET
Upon the talk of the poisoning?

HORATIO
I did very well note him.

HAMLET
Ah, ha! Come, some music. Come, the recorders.
For if the king like not the comedy,
Why then, belike he likes it not, perdie.
Come, some music.

Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

GUILDENSTERN
Good my lord, vouchsafe me a word with you.

HAMLET
Sir, a whole history.

GUILDENSTERN
The King, sir—

HAMLET
Ay, sir, what of him?

GUILDENSTERN
Is in his retirement, marvellous distempered.

HAMLET
With drink, sir?

GUILDENSTERN
No, my lord; rather with choler.

HAMLET
Your wisdom should show itself more richer to signify this to the
doctor, for me to put him to his purgation would perhaps plunge him
into far more choler.

GUILDENSTERN
Good my lord, put your discourse into some frame, and start not so
wildly from my affair.

HAMLET
I am tame, sir, pronounce.

GUILDENSTERN
The Queen your mother, in most great affliction of spirit, hath sent me
to you.

HAMLET
You are welcome.

GUILDENSTERN
Nay, good my lord, this courtesy is not of the right breed. If it shall
please you to make me a wholesome answer, I will do your mother’s
commandment; if not, your pardon and my return shall be the end of my
business.

HAMLET
Sir, I cannot.

GUILDENSTERN
What, my lord?

HAMLET
Make you a wholesome answer. My wit’s diseased. But, sir, such answer
as I can make, you shall command; or rather, as you say, my mother.
Therefore no more, but to the matter. My mother, you say,—

ROSENCRANTZ
Then thus she says: your behaviour hath struck her into amazement and
admiration.

HAMLET
O wonderful son, that can so stonish a mother! But is there no sequel
at the heels of this mother’s admiration?

ROSENCRANTZ
She desires to speak with you in her closet ere you go to bed.

HAMLET
We shall obey, were she ten times our mother. Have you any further
trade with us?

ROSENCRANTZ
My lord, you once did love me.

HAMLET
And so I do still, by these pickers and stealers.

ROSENCRANTZ
Good my lord, what is your cause of distemper? You do surely bar the
door upon your own liberty if you deny your griefs to your friend.

HAMLET
Sir, I lack advancement.

ROSENCRANTZ
How can that be, when you have the voice of the King himself for your
succession in Denmark?

HAMLET
Ay, sir, but while the grass grows—the proverb is something musty.

Re-enter the Players with recorders.

O, the recorders. Let me see one.—To withdraw with you, why do you go about to recover the wind of me, as if you would drive me into a toil?

GUILDENSTERN
O my lord, if my duty be too bold, my love is too unmannerly.

HAMLET
I do not well understand that. Will you play upon this pipe?

GUILDENSTERN
My lord, I cannot.

HAMLET
I pray you.

GUILDENSTERN
Believe me, I cannot.

HAMLET
I do beseech you.

GUILDENSTERN
I know no touch of it, my lord.

HAMLET
’Tis as easy as lying: govern these ventages with your finger and
thumb, give it breath with your mouth, and it will discourse most
eloquent music. Look you, these are the stops.

GUILDENSTERN
But these cannot I command to any utterance of harmony. I have not the
skill.

HAMLET
Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me! You would play
upon me; you would seem to know my stops; you would pluck out the heart
of my mystery; you would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my
compass; and there is much music, excellent voice, in this little
organ, yet cannot you make it speak. ’Sblood, do you think I am easier
to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though
you can fret me, you cannot play upon me.

Enter Polonius.

God bless you, sir.

POLONIUS
My lord, the Queen would speak with you, and presently.

HAMLET
Do you see yonder cloud that’s almost in shape of a camel?

POLONIUS
By the mass, and ’tis like a camel indeed.

HAMLET
Methinks it is like a weasel.

POLONIUS
It is backed like a weasel.

HAMLET
Or like a whale.

POLONIUS
Very like a whale.

HAMLET
Then will I come to my mother by and by.—They fool me to the top of my
bent.—I will come by and by.

POLONIUS
I will say so.

[_Exit._]

HAMLET
By and by is easily said. Leave me, friends.

[_Exeunt all but Hamlet._]

’Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn, and hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world. Now could I drink hot blood, And do such bitter business as the day Would quake to look on. Soft now, to my mother. O heart, lose not thy nature; let not ever The soul of Nero enter this firm bosom: Let me be cruel, not unnatural. I will speak daggers to her, but use none; My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites. How in my words somever she be shent, To give them seals never, my soul, consent.

[_Exit._]